'Self Destruct'

No understanding outside this quixotic mind.
No hints ripple the surface to carry tales of the depths of self-destruction.

And he knows.

He walks eyes open to the edge of the abyss and peers longingly into the warm embracing smile of oblivion.
Standing there at the precipice with so many options, he chooses to ignore the pain and chaos gathering around him.

Outwardly calm and inwardly closeted in the lounge of his mind, curtains drawn and doors only slightly ajar.
He analyses the effects and causes, skipping warily over dubious moralities and brushing hurts into a corner.

Selfish happiness hangs from his neck and drags him willingly with immense illogic to the brink.
Selfish cowardice holds him there transfixed in a limbo of indecision.

And choices of such magnitude as to break hearts and minds of lesser men, or greater.
Are weighed un-carefully on emotionless scales, the readings ignored.

And he waits.

Dreading external influence, the winds of lust and alchohol to carry him over, the hand of reason to pull him back.
Dreading the moment of revelation, yet revelling in the glorious indecision poised astride the razor blade of unreason.

And somebody suffers

With the edges of sanity crumbling he looks at those that hurt and suffers a mere glimmer of pity
And surfing the ridge at speed, bored now to tempt fate, the moment draws into masochistic delight.
As he closes his eyes
Screams out his own name
And succumbs to self-destruction in safety or insanity.

And then.

Ennui creeps into his mind, a slowly devouring cancer.
It talks to him urging that he walk the peak again, to stand at the edge.

and as normality settles and all the hurts numb.
He looks to the darkened cliff face and imagines the chasm.

Defying any natural gravity he allows himself to float, to settle and to once more smile at his true love.
And realising his nature as he always has he resumes his circular journey.