VAGINITIS
The following extracts come
in response to an advert in a
South African woman's magazine called Femina.
All of the extracts are from people who's first (or even second)
language is NOT English!
Back in 1985, SA Femina Magazine ran an advertisement for
Nelex, a medicine for the treatment of a vaginal
infection known as vaginitis. The ad prompted hundreds of letters
from sufferers countrywide. The letters were collected by
the boss of the advertising agency and who swears that
every single one of them is genuine.
Herewith extracts from some of the most hilarious:
Please send me the following symptoms: itching, discharge,
unpleasant smell...
I am one of those with a virginal problem.....I will
be very grateful
if my disease were acceptable...
Dear Sirs, greetings as patient to you, but I have
not got enough
time to express my sickness over this paper. I
want to come by myself to confess my sickness to you after I use this
Nelex.......
The trouble is my vaginitis and that I'm so ugly....
How can I get vaginal infection? Most chemists cannot help....
Is vaginitis normal, or does it occur by mistakes
like having
sex....
My husband is not happy with the behavior of my vagina
at
bed-time....
Please send me more information about these vaginal
erections....
My symptoms are some of the ones you didn't mention,
so please
send me another medicine...
Every boyfriend left me and made another girl pregnant,
so
maybe you can help me....
With modern life of anonymous infection, I have found
your
vagina infection very handy and unavoidable...
I tried Dettol, Omo (washing powder) and also pure
brandy.
All in vain....
My problem is itching, burning pain after intercourse
when
the weather is cold or foggy I am a young lady of 1963.
Will you please send me more news about my virginia pains
during intercourse, even when I'm not having intercourse at all
I use to have sex eight to ten times a day. Now I
am very
dry. I went to the hospital and thay told me I have too
much sex. Maybe I should move to Durban for the humidity....
I am a girl of 21 years of edge. Can you help me with
virginial
infractions...
Last night the virginial infections suddenly attacked
me. What
do you want me to do...
Please send me Nelex. I am so sick I will even pay for it....
My virginia is wide open, but I only slept with my
husband
alone, but he says I am a bitch I slept with many men.
Can you close my virginia for me....
I really want a baby, but I don't want to be pregnant....
The first time I noticed vaginal infection was in your advert...
My vargin is beginning to irritate me. I scream at
it sometimes
but it doesn't help....
Sometimes my anus produces an unpleasant smell...
Please send my letter back so I can remember what
I have
written....
Please advertise more so that I can remember that I have an infection....
I stopped to have sexual intercourse with my husband,
but he
hasn't stopped with me....
My problem is I feel itching even when my husband
romances
me with his erection...
i never told anyone about my symptoms, now I see them
publicly
advertised...
I am 42 years old, but the infections started when
I was much
older...please reply as soon as it is convenient for me.
I have pain during sex, and also during intercourse....
My virgin is badly leaking. Does Nelex work like a cork...
When I was 13 I spray my vagina with Airoma room-freshener.
Now I am 18 and I need your help...
Please send any good and large information to my suffering vagina...
According to symptoms advertised, I have discovered
four of
them in my Promised One. She urges me...so help me to help her.
My new address is (address supplied)...but please send your
reply to my old address
Can I get vaginal infection without prescription...
Nelex the effective treatment, is it also effective in Zimbabwe....
My husband does not know where I live, so we never have sex...
I have never had sex, but I have this virginity problem....
The bath water must have infected me, although I swear
nobody
bathed after me in the same water
I have reorganised my virginia recently
It is easy to know when I have vaginitis, but how
do I know
when I do not have vaginitis...
How are you at that side of Randburg? I hail to you
with my
wife's vaginal infection from Zimbabwe...
.....but I know that some people order the thing without
knowing
them or seeing in other words they order them for nothing without
using them....
I am 20 years old and will be 21 sooner than expected....
I cannot tell my mother about it; she has no vagina...
The last time I looked for my vaginitis, I could not find it anywhere....
My vagina was discharged recently...
My vagina is deceased....
I am a doll of 19 and I want to introduce my itchy vagina to you....
I hope you are in a favourable condition for my vaginitis....
I have this virginity disease. I hope my letter arrives
at
tea-time so you can study it better...
I don't know if the smell really comes from my vagina.
My nose
cannot reach it properly...but I promise, my body also has some
healthy parts....
How are you sir? I am very well, but I am also a very sick girl....
Thank you for telling us how to avoid burning and itching virgins....
I live very far away, and therefore wander if my letter will reach you....
I am not an ignorant girl, but how can I be sure....
Please rescue my vaginal cavity from attack, Sir, and send
me this infection quickly...
This Nelex it can help me. I will call my first son Nelex...
Also my eyes and kids are very itchy. I better stop
looking
at them....
I air my vagina three times a day, much to my husband's
regret....
At today's price of water, I'd rather use Nelex....
I have five of the four symptoms you mentioned...
You will find the vaginal infections at the above address....