The professor announced to his class, "Today we will experiment with
a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple:
Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.
One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner
will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The
first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember
to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent.
There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written
on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
The following was turned in by two English students, Rebecca and Gary.
First paragraph by Rebecca:
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile,
which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too
much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But
she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness
was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting
up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
Second paragraph by Gary:
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in
orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses
of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty
night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation17," he said into
his transgalactic communicator, "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance
so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish
particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo
bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across
the cockpit.
Rebecca:
He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one last
pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings
for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the
peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing
War and
Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously
excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth,
when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read,
no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful
things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?"
she pondered wistfully...
Gary:
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of
miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium
fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace
Disarmament Treaty through the Congress had left Earth a defenseless target
for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race.
Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on
course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet.
With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The
lithium fusion missile entered the
atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters
on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion,
which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President
slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this!
I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
Rebecca:
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing
partner is a violent, chauvinistic
semi-literate adolescent.
Gary:
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing
are the literary equivalent of Valium.
"Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F#$%@#
TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele
novels."
Rebecca:
Asshole.
Gary:
Bitch.
Rebecca:
DICK!
Gary:
Slut.
Rebecca:
Get F%$%#$d.
Gary:
You wish; eat shit.
Rebecca:
F&*% YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
Gary:
Go drink some tea - whore.
TEACHER:
A+ - I really liked this one.