ARIES
Drinking style
Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes
don't know when to call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to closing-time
shot contests. They're sloppy,
fun drunks, and they get mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk is a good way to get
what you want out of them, should other methods fail. Aries can become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume that whatever
happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be counted on to do the same for you -- so long as you haven't gone
and done anything really horrible to them last night, you sneaky
Gemini.
Aries, born under the hot-stuff planet Mars, is the ruler of spicy food and red things
-- and for balance, astrologers recommend they eat tomatoes,
onions, olives and greens. That's right, Aries, you were born under
the sign of the bloody Mary. Aries also rules grapefruit, and they've been known to kick back a salty
dog and a sea breeze or two. For extreme hotcha, try a concoction with cinnamon liqueur in it.
Marlon Brando, Lawrence Ferlinghetti, Sarah Michelle
Gellar, Al Gore, Thomas Jefferson, Elton John, Eric McCormack, Rosie O'Donnell, Sarah Jessica Parker,
Reese Witherspoon
TAURUS
Drinking style
Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming
for a mellow glow rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is a one-person
stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who spills red wine
on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers, the preference
for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and
barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say that the
Bull is by any means a teetotaller -- god, no. A squiffy Taurus will get, er, gregarious (full of
loudmouth soup, some would say) and is extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.
Early-to-bed Taureans need a picker-upper -- try a Red
Bull and vodka. They also have a leviathan sweet tooth and are fond of drinks with names that
sound like dessert (50-50 bar, mudslide). Sweetly caffeinated drinks, like Irish coffee or white
Russians, are ideal. More macho Taureans will go for something unpretentious, like a Jack Daniels and Coke or whiskey sour.
Cate Blanchett, Tony Blair, Pierce Brosnan, Cher,
Penelope Cruz, William
Randolph Hearst, Jerry Seinfeld, Barbara Striesand, Uma Thurman, Renee
Zellweger
GEMINI
Drinking style
Geminis can drink without changing their behaviour
much -- they're so naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it's just hard to tell sometimes.
They can amaze you by conversing with finesse and allusion, then doing something to belie an extremely
advanced state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Geminis possess the magic
ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very tricky) with
several people at once. They like to order different cocktails every
round -- repetition is boring -- and may create a theme (like yellow drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and
limoncello) for their own amusement.
Easily bored Geminis need some stimulation in their
drinks -- those with two parts, like a black and tan (or just a double), are particularly
appealing. Otherwise, they'll drink all over the map, ordering
frou-frou drinks to add to their collection of cocktail monkeys or
going for whiskey rocks because they're feeling rather noir. Gemini
rules the herb anise -- make some home-infused anise vodka as a
gift.
George Bush Sr., Johnny Depp, Rupert Everett, Boy
George, Allen Ginsberg, Angelina Jolie, John Kennedy, Ian McKellen, Kylie Minogue, Morrissey
CANCER
Drinking style
Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine with
dinner or an after-work beer
or six can be extra comforting, can't it, Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces,
Crabs must guard against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret parties and
insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true Hollywood
style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and
emotional" (read: weepy when lubricated). But there's nothing better
than swapping stories (and spit) over a few bottles
of inky red
wine with your favourite Cancer. Even your second-favourite Cancer will do.
Ruled by the moon, Cancers are intrigued by the idea
of moonshine -- any brown booze, from a
bourbon press to a whiskey and soda to grandpappy's special brew in a
mason jar, will do. They also like comfortingly warm and sweet drinks, like hot
toddies and hot buttered rums. The sign also rules the flavour vanilla, and
you'd be adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and soda.
Pamela Anderson, George W. Bush, Bill Cosby, Tom
Cruise, Harrison Ford, Sean Hayes, Lil' Kim, George Michael, Princess Diana,
Prince William
LEO
Drinking style
Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often fabulous
dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their commanding
dignity and turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite aware they're darling
-- Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know their limit, probably
because they loathe losing self-control. When they get over-refreshed, expect
flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the
Leos like flashy drinks, be they complicated tropical
concoctions festooned with umbrellas, like a Bahama mama or the more common
strawberry daiquiri or mai tai. Indeed, they often have a taste for
Ben Affleck, Gillian Anderson, Bill Clinton, Monica
Lewinsky, Jennifer Lopez, Madonna,
Debra Messing, Kevin Spacey, Martha Stewart, Andy Warhol
VIRGO
Drinking style
Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto
their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less
than other signs, sure -- but it could also lead to drinking booze neat, to
sucking down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully
shellacked -- but, oh, when they do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but
there's an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped.
It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to
declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low level of intelligence
tonight." A toast to the subgenius IQ!
Many Virgos
prefer clear, simple, untreacly drinks like vodka tonic or a real margarita,
though you'll find 'em drinking anything – from unflinchingly downing Cuervo
straight to smirkingly ordering a dirty
virgin. They also tend to like bitter, low-alk guzzles
like Campari and soda. They rarely change their drink once they've found it,
however.
Cameron Diaz, Hugh Grant, Christopher Isherwood,
Michael Jackson, Freddie Mercury, Carrie-Anne Moss, Dorothy Parker, Ryan
Philippe, Keanu Reeves, Lily Tomlin
LIBRA
Drinking style
"I'm jusht a social drinker," slurs Libra,
"it's jusht that I'm so damn social?" Libra loves nothing more than
to party, mingle and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favour of Good Libra
(with Insta-Friend device set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra
side (they are little instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a
room. Charming as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control,
however, which can get them into all sorts of trouble -- including wearing
their wobbly boots waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with their best
friend's beau or even blacking out the night's events entirely. Oops!
Aesthetic Libras like pretty, pouffy drinks like a
pink lady or a brandy Alexander. That's the influence of Venus, their ruling
planet, which also gives them a horror of crudely named potions like Sex on the
Beach. They're fine with "normal" guzzles like apple martinis, but
every Libra secretly just wants Champagne, and lots of it.
Jimmy Carter, Simon Cowell, Ani DiFranco, Janeane Garofalo,
Hugh Jackman, Martina Navratilova, Gwyneth Paltrow, Sting, Oscar Wilde, Catherine
Zeta-Jones
SCORPIO
Drinking style
Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for
they'll smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they're
hog-whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to drink, and screw
you if you have a problem with that. Most of them see the sauce as something to
savour in itself, and not as a personality-altering tool -- though if
depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek total obliteration. But generally, they're
fascinating drinking pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying flirts.
They also remember everything -- especially what you did when you were blitzed.
Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.
Just as a Scorpio can look you in the eye and smile
while secretly plotting your demise, so does the brandy-laced stinger's sweet
taste hide a potent amount of alcohol. If you want to get literal, serve them a scorpion -- they may not love
tropical drinks, but it shows you're paying attention. Scorpio rules
watermelon, so break out the blender and fix a pitcher of watermelon margaritas
to seduce 'em -- though red wine will
do the trick just as well.
Truman Capote, Hillary Clinton, Leonardo DiCaprio,
Jodie Foster, Bill Gates, k.d. lang, Megan Mullally, Demi Moore, Sylvia Plath,
RuPaul
SAGITTARIUS
Drinking Style
In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius, in booze
blurtiness: When buttered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of their own. Tactlessness aside,
Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with. This is a sign of serious partying
(what else would you expect from the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush
twins and Anna Nicole Smith?). They're the people who chat up everyone in the
room, then persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a
nightclub, or a playground, or Cancun. Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue
(including a high possibility of loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant
booty call).
A travel-loving sign, Sagittarius might be intrigued
by drinks like Moscow mules, Singapore slings -- perhaps even a Long Island
iced tea (not a bad option, given how much Sag can put away and still stay
vertical). Party monsters that they are, they're attracted to shots, like the
ever-popular lemon drop. Sag rules pears, and could use a nice pear cider right
about now, come to think of it.
The Bush twins, Margaret Cho, Noel Coward, Betty Ford,
Lucy Liu, Brad Pitt, Keith Richards, Frank Sinatra, Anna Nicole Smith, Britney
Spears
CAPRICORN
Drinking style
Capricorn is usually described as practical,
steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no wonder they get left off the
astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David Bowie and
Annie Lennox, not to mention
Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock star:
independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to
please. And if they make money being themselves, who are you to quibble? But just like most rock stars,
they're either totally on or totally off, and they generally need a little social lubricant to loosen up and
enjoy the after party, especially if they can hook up with a cute groupie.
Old-fashioned Cap would probably like an old-fashioned
just fine -- or a dry martini, or a gin and tonic, or a gimlet -- or any other
no-nonsense quaff. They prefer drinks that taste like alcohol and generally
hate drinks with more than three ingredients. However, they like the flavour of
cranberry and will order a cosmo if they can handle the wait for it to get
mixed.
Orlando Bloom, David Bowie, James Dean, Marlene
Dietrich, Martin Luther King Jr., Jude Law, Annie Lennox, Marilyn Manson,
Richard Nixon, Elvis Presley
AQUARIUS
Aquarius and drinking don't go together that well
(except for water, that is). They have an innate tendency toward
know-it-allism, and if they get an idea while sizzled, they're more stubborn
than a stain or a stone. If they're throwing a party or organising an outing,
however, they're too preoccupied with their duties to get combative -- and they
make perfectly charming drunks in that case. Fortunately, they're usually capital drink-nursers.
They also make the best designated drivers (if you can get them before they
start raising their wrist): Aquarius is fascinated by drunk people and capable
of holding interesting conversations with soused strangers while sober.
Aquarius is likely to order stuff most people have
never heard of: a capirinha, Satan's whiskers, a negroni, an Arthur Tompkins. They like to stump the bartender.
This sign rules the colour electric blue and would be pleased by any tipple
featuring blue curacao. They also rule the olive tree, so pour the juice into
that dirty martini.
Jennifer Aniston, Ellen DeGeneres, Dr. Dre, Matt
Groening, Ashton Kutcher, Ronald Reagan, Christina Ricci, Justin Timberlake,
Oprah Winfrey, Elijah Wood
PISCES
If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard that
you share a sign -- and an addictive personality -- with Liz Taylor, Liza
Minelli and Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy, out-there feeling that only hooch
can give, but they build up a mighty tolerance fast. Who needs an expensive
date like that? On the other hand, they're fabulously enchanting partners,
whether in conversation or in crime. With the right Pisces, you can start out
sharing a pitcher of margaritas and wind up in bed together for days. The
phrase "addictive personality" can be read two ways, you know.
Pisces rules fresh mint, and they do love a mojito or
three – though a julep will do just as well. They also like punches, like
sangria or the oh-so-aptly named fish house punch. (Pretty much anything will
satisfy a Pisces in a pinch, though -- "drinking
like a fish" is an idiom pulled out of the zodiac, not the deep blue sea.)
Pisces is a chocoholic and loves creme de cacao (and spiked cocoa).
Drew Barrymore, Chastity Bono, Chelsea Clinton, Kurt
Cobain, Edward Gorey, Queen Latifah, Liza Minelli, Anais Nin, Sharon Stone,
Liz Taylor
who has been drinking in celestial knowledge since 1985.